Since I submitted my resignation and finalized my plans to leave, I’ve been living my days in Irvine a lot differently. I feel more motivated than ever to live fully every single day, whereas before I felt like I was on autopilot and weeks would pass without me realizing it.
1. I feel like I’ve connected with more people and in more meaningful ways in the past month than I had in years previously. Knowing that my friendships and connections will soon lose the benefit of convenience has motivated me to put more effort into strengthening them now before I go. I also don’t want to make the same mistake I’ve made many times before and lose great connections and friends after a change in my life because I was afraid to put in effort that I didn’t have to before.
2. I’ve been more productive and creative this past month than I have been in a really long time. I composed and produced a song that I put on Spotify! (https://open.spotify.com/track/3CJTqdyC8BkLz9s0wby9vl?si=MTafsY1iQi2oZv6InEiBGg) I rented out my house, I deep cleaned and donated 75% of my things, I learned a lot about digital photography, planned and researched over a dozen countries and destinations, and I journaled every day. There were so many things I wanted to do before I left I didn’t have time to waste anymore mindlessly browsing reddit or instagram (which I still did more than I would’ve liked though).
3. I’ve made the biggest changes deliberately in this past month than I have my entire life. Large parts of my life were either following a template of what I felt like I should have been doing, or doing things because something else in life pushed me towards that choice. I haven’t ever taken over the reigns and deliberately driven my own life in such a big way. It’s scary because I don’t have anyone or anything else to blame if I end up in a worse spot years down the line, knowing that I purposefully chose to quit my job. But on the other hand I know that there wouldn’t be anything more empowering if I end up in a better place than knowing that I fully own the success.
Seeing my old life about to come to a close has made me want to savor and cherish it, because half of me really loves the stable, comfortable, suburban life I had built. That half is sad about changing everything for a while and putting that comfortable life on the shelves for now. But it is time, and the other half of me has been waiting quite a while for a chance to live.